sometimes the conundrum of living a life of paradoxes eats away at me. there are days when I am full of the joy of the Lord, and I can't really hide it. there are also days when I feel the pain of self-sacrifice, the difficulty in trusting God and an overall inner chaos.

the best days, I find, are when I am not sitting on either extreme, but I'm right in the middle. Paul calls it being "perplexed, but not in despair" (2 Cor. 4). he later emphasizes how, above all other things, He longs to know Christ; he recognizes that he has not fully reached that goal, but he will press on until it happens, and not let anything hinder him (Phil. 3). if we go back a thousand years or so, David had pretty much the same thing in mind. in Psalm 119 he asks God (among lots of other great things) to open his eyes, "that I may see wonderful things in your law" (v.18). Later we see that while he longs for understanding from God, he will hold out in faith because of what God has already done: "My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life" (v.50).

today has been a day of extremity in the wrong direction. but just being able to do what David did - coming into the presence of the Lord (Psalm 73:17) - is revelatory and beautiful and good and full of balance and LIFE.

I don't know what each day will hold. I can't even always expect to understand it. but just taking a minute, or an hour, or even a week to hear God's voice is not just a blessing, but a vital component if I'm going to make it.

I came in today and felt despairing and empty; I'm leaving full of perplexity... and peace.

God seriously is good all of the time.